The Panty Shuffle

I was at the YMCA last night, and I was kinda sorta people watching in the locker room. I know, right? Not the best place to people watch, but I couldn't help it. I am pretty easily fascinated, and I like to see different kinds of folks coming together in one place. So, after I finished my swim (taking it easy because I've been sick), I was taking my sweet time showering and dressing because I really didn't have anywhere particular to be last night.

Have you ever noticed how women shimmy, shake, and contort into their clothing to avoid flashing any part of the body to anybody at any angle? My most-favorite move is the wrap-the-towel-around-your-body-and-try-to-dress-over-it jobbie. Also of note is the sitting-down-panty-shuffle (that's where you try to get the panties to cover your ass without lifting it from the bench).

But we don't only do this in locker rooms, have you noticed that? Women do these same moves in a doctor's office WHEN THE DOOR IS CLOSED. And I know that women do it because I've done it, and (despite what I tell myself) I'm pretty run-of-the-mill.

Why do we do this? Why are we afraid of flashing a little flab in front of other chicks? Or, even moreso, why are we afraid to flash a little buttcheek to an empty room with the door closed (because I can totally understand not wanting to flash your FNP when they come back in)? So, there I was, people watching in the locker room, practically willing some of these ladies to just drop the towel and be brave! Be courageous! Be naked! Alas, it wasn't to be. (Did you know that some of these chicks won't even undress completely to take a shower in the locker room? P-SHAW!) There was hardly any nudity in the locker room, and I felt bad for us as women. I have a high doubt that the men are over in their locker rooms doing the panty-shimmy (or the tighty-whitey-shuffle, if you prefer). Oh no, I imagine they let it all flap in the wind and give a damn who sees. Moreover, I am fairly positive some length contests have occured.

So, why can't we have boob-sizing contests in our locker room? Why do we have to skirt around the nudity issue like we were practicing to be nuns? I, for one, wouldn't subscribe to bashfulness about my bod, and I got dressed like a normal human being without the towel around my body or my ass plastered to something - tattoos and all. And just for an added kick of spite, I didn't put my bra back on.

So. There.