The Truth

I've been reading this zen website that talks a lot about simplifying your life.  One of the articles I read today dealt with the notion of marginalizing, shall we say...thinking in smaller terms.  But somehow I also took away the notion of the need for truthfulness from the same article.  Being truthful is important, and I think it is time I am truthful with myself.  So, here is my truth:

 

I am thirty years old, and I weigh 233.8 pounds as of this morning.  I am five feet and two inches tall.  I have been heavy all of my life, and I simply began believing that I was going to be heavy all of my life.  I am a walking Venus of Willendorf, ask anyone I know, and they will tell you that I remind them of her.

 

Here's another truth:  I have a poor body image.  I know where it comes from, and I know what caused it; so, I will spare you that and simply leave it at that.  I have it, and it contributes to the daily choices I make.  I sabotage myself so that I stay in the discomfort zone because being in a comfortable place makes me nervous.

 

But here's another truth:  Recently, I've taken back my life.  I decided that I didn't like a lot of things in my life, and there needed to be change.  Change has been a'happenin.  Some have taken to it, and some have not.  But it is there. So, change is happening INSIDE of me and all around me.

 

And here's the big truth:  I don't want this weight anymore.  In the last year, I have gained roughly 30 pounds.  I don't want it anymore.  I don't want the stress on my joints.  I don't want the excess weight on my body.  I just plain don't want it

 

But more than I want to be less dense, less rotund, I want to be healthy.  I want to be able to stick to my eating clean regimen without it being a fight every day.  I want to exercise so that my body feels better.  So, new rules effective now until June 1:

 

1.  Exercise five minutes every day.  It makes me seem like a wimp, but I am out of shape, srsly.

2.  Be prepared:  plan ahead for the day's meals and have the right food on hand.

3.  Be prepared:  plan ahead to say no.

4.  Take it meal by meal and step by step.

5.  Reward yourself on June 2.