- The submissive heart
- The service-guided heart
I haz one.
I have had one for as long as I can remember. When I do things for Ted, even though he is not my "dominant", I am fulfilling my service-guided heart. When I do things for Jen, that she has asked me to do, I am receiving fulfillment of my service-guided heart. When I give fiona the things she needs as a submissive, I am fulfilling my service-guided heart as well as fulfilling her needs. It is all a process, and it all comes back to the slave heart. It all comes back to a heart that wants to give.
At the same time, I want to be rewarded for my service. I want those trinkets of affection. I want those moments of reward and those acknowledgements of my service-guided heart. I want to hear someone tell me that I am doing well. I want to wear someone's badge of acknowledgement. Does that make me selfish? I don't think it does; I think it is the flip side of having such a heart. It is a neediness (which I will discuss in the next post) that comes with the territory.
I think. Everything is still kind of fuzzy. The only thing I know for sure is that I have a service-oriented heart. I have a giving heart instead of a taking heart, and I am good at identifying what people need and giving it to them. I am good at playing roles; but in the end, I come back to me and my slave heart, which also deserves attention. It doesn't deserve to be ignored anymore. But the only way I can un-ignore it is to ask for what I need, as frog tells me. It is still hard to ask for what I need, but I am getting better at it.
At least I hope I am getting better at it.