Wednesday, January 28, 2009
Following this pattern of thought, I grieve differently than anyone I know...or, let's say, I grieve differently than anyone I have SEEN grieving. And I imagine that this is because my brain processes the information in such a way that it is logical to me. If you look up the word 'death' in the dictionary, you will find a definition similar to this: the total and permanent cessation of all of the vital functions of an organism. That means the body has stopped functioning. Nearly every faith on the planet, though, has a belief system for what happens to the spirit after the body stops working. It isn't foreign to us, as faith-based organisms, to have an answer, whether logical or not, to the big "what happens next" question. In keeping with this, my first reaction has typically been: Ok. There's nothing else I can do about it now.
Part of me feels that this is a cold response - heartless maybe. However, the rest of me feels that my loved one has moved beyond their body and onto something different. Maybe reincarnation. Maybe kicking back on a cloud for a few hundred years. Maybe they're just not so damn tired anymore, and they can see the big, whole picture...in which case, I'm not sad that they have moved on. I'm pretty happy for them, as a matter of fact. Sure, I recognize the loss in my own life - I will miss this person now that my life has been altered by his / her absence - but I can't say that I'm sad they have died. Shocked? Sure. Uncertain? Absolutely.
My uncle died on Monday. He was the youngest child of my mother's mother. He is survived by two children, one boy and one girl. The circumstances of his death were shocking, tragic really. I can't say that I knew him tremendously well, but I did spend a lot of time with him when I was growing up. It is unfortunate to me that I won't be able to connect with him further throughout my life, but maybe he's less aggravated now. I have decided not to attend the funeral for a myriad of reasons (for example, he will be buried in the mountains, in the middle of winter, and in the middle of an ice storm), and I feel that I've made my peace with his passing. The logical part of me has processed all of the information that I have, and I'm keeping on with keeping on. I feel the need to say, though, that at the very least, I will miss knowing that he's out there holding down the forest.
Tuesday, January 27, 2009
Monday, January 26, 2009
Sunday, January 25, 2009
Monday, January 19, 2009
Sunday, January 18, 2009
This is my boss' dog, Chica. I came back to my desk to find her sitting in my chair. *LOL*
This is Penny. I found out about Project 365 from her blog. :)
Thursday, January 15, 2009
Also, Hub can, quite frequently, be awfully sweet and remember things I don't even remember I've told him. Have you seen the TV commercials for the Snuggie? The blanket with arms? It is a terribly corny commercial, but the Snuggie itself looked surprisingly nifty. I toyed with the idea of making one because it is just a blanket with arms, really, but I didn't get around to it before Hub decided to be lovey-dovey. He ordered me an extra-large, extra-heavy Snuggie! SNUGGIE!
Also, I've made a resolution...notion...decision? this year to NOT delete pictures that aren't fuzzy. (There's no use to keeping the fuzzy ones, really.) So, in keeping with that, I've saved a BUNCH of photos already from this year due to my Project 365. I'm finding that I don't mind photos of myself as much as I once did. I'm also capturing some funny photos of Hub (i.e. when he falls asleep sitting up). Here's one that I thought turned out super-cute tonight:
Am I not the most adorable thing ever?
Wednesday, January 14, 2009
I realized last night that since I've been working on Project 365, I haven't actually WRITTEN much of an update. Most of my posts lately are centered around the picture I'm posting for the day. Even though a picture may say a thousand words, I thought a few extra words would be nice. So, I'm going to try to post an actual update, and I will post today's photo later. (Side note: I'm on my second cup of coffee this morning; I might jump around a bit.)
So, what's new? I am teaching Epona self control, which means I'm teaching her to not take treats automatically but to wait for permission. She's doing really well with this, surprisingly. I'm also teaching her to watch me in preparation for the coming spring when I will take her out for walks and have to come between her and other dogs. *flex* We still haven't found a toy that she can't destroy, but I did replace her lost kong with a regular dog kong; so, maybe this one will last a little bit longer.
In the medical arena, I recently had a f/u w/ Penmatcha, and we're fine tuning my treatment plan. I'm weaning off the prednisone now because I can't be on it long term. The downside to this is that my pain may go up with the absence of the steroid. In about a month, I will go back for another f/u; and at that time, we'll check my PPD and review the chest XR I'm going to have to have to determine if we want to start methotrexate. I'm not super thrilled about beginning methotrexate; but if it is necessary, I will try it. I DID make sure to talk to her about other possibilities, though, and she told me that there is a wide variety of stuff we can try if this current route doesn't work. I am going today to have retinal photos and visual acuity tests because of the Plaquenil; and once these tests are done (chest XR, PPD, and eye tests), I will start maintenance, which will mean fewer visits to the damn doctor...I hope. I also did the smart thing and scheduled a therapy appointment so I can learn some coping skills. I'm going back to see the therapist from Iowa City because I had really good outcomes with her, she knows me already, and I trust her; so, it is worth it to me to make that drive for those appointments.
The downside of the eyeball appointment today is that I have to have my pupils dilated a-freaking-gain. *SIGH*
I can't think of anything else right now...More later. :)
Tuesday, January 13, 2009
Sunday, January 11, 2009
Saturday, January 10, 2009
Thursday, January 8, 2009
By the way, everyone looked at me like I was crazy when I took a picture of my pizza...
Wednesday, January 7, 2009
I'm also not one of those people who thinks their dog's mouth is gross. Epona wallers on me, gives me kisses, licks my fingers, all of that. I've bit her, kissed her, wrestled with her...I also play the tug-me game with my teeth, on occasion. :) It's all in the name of luv, baby.
Monday, January 5, 2009
Sunday, January 4, 2009
It makes a fantastic footstool, really. Epona was GREAT about leaving it alone...until I got on it to check it out.
We spent about 20 minutes on the bean...me on the bean, Epona on me, and Hub laughing his ass off. She thought it was great fun. *LOL* When I could finally get Epona to get off of me, I did check out the bean further, and it DID help my back pain a bit. If you flip it one way, it kind of rocks like a chair; and if you flip it the other way, you lie over the hump it creates, which pushes out the lower back (felt niiice). Somehow, I have the feeling that this will be used more for comfort and less for exercise. :)
Saturday, January 3, 2009
Yay for holiday socks and hooties!
Friday, January 2, 2009
Thursday, January 1, 2009
Is that not the perfect pot of boiling pasta? Loverly. Also, I made my spaghetti sauce FROM SCRATCH! That's right! Over the summer, we had a really nice garden, and my MIL helped me can our tomato bunch. (Notice the lack of plural tomato. Damn the e.) So, I make my spaghetti sauce from scratch! This is only the second time I've made it from scratch all by myself, and it turned out pretty well! It isn't great yet, but it is definately coming along. :)
I do have to go out into the world later today to pick up some photos; so, I am going to try to snap something for today while I'm out. Who knows, you may get a photo yet today!