Hate

I started to hate myself today...while I was in the bathroom and caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror.  If you want the truth of it, I have hated myself for more of my life than I have not.  Sometimes I can handle it; sometimes it lays me so low.  I'm reading this book, though, that has got me to thinking about self-hate.  Because I can clearly acknowledge that I wasn't born with this self-hate; it was taught to me.  It was a lesson learned.

 

And so, with that in mind, I sat with that hate for a few minutes.  And I asked myself:  what does it serve me now?  What good does it do me now?  I could hate my thighs, so round.  I could hate my stomach, big old tire belly.  I could hate my size, the way I look, the turmoil I am going through right now.  But none of those things are ME.  They are simply accessories of me.  And I couldn't find a single reason to hate the me that I keep inside.  So right there, in that moment, I let it go.  And I felt calm. 

 

I don't imagine that this is the cure-all moment.  I imagine I'm going to have a million more moments like this one; but to have one, at least, has been ... inspirational.