It is always interesting to me how I, constantly, need to be reminded that What You Need; You Receive. This happens frequently in my life; and often, I begin receiving the messages before I have figured out why they're there.
Item #1: Coraline - The Game for Nintendo DS
If you've read the book, seen the movie, or played the game, you already understand the point of the storyline. If not, here's the five-cent version: Coraline finds an alternate reality in which there is "The Other Mother" and "The Other Father." It is then up to her to learn that the parents she had to begin with really aren't so bad.
The Fish Response: I really bought this game on a whim, but it elicited dreams of "The Un-Me" versus "The Me" for days and days. (more about this later...)
Item #2: Newsweek - In which I read the article about Kate and Marianne
At my job, I have to spend a lot of time waiting on the clock. So, I browse cnn.com, newsweek.com, and / or msnbc.com while waiting for the minutes to tick by. So, without actively PURSUING Kate and / or Marianne, I read an article about their message. I read the first article...the one without all of the pussy-footed re-writes.
The Fish Response: I started to question some things I'd held as true-beliefs from the article and the timing it used to show up in my life. I read this article on the same day as I saw that show "I Want to Save Your Life."
Item #3: Lessons From The Fat-O-Sphere
On Friday night, I was dragging The Hub here and there, and I had a coupon for Borders. I hadn't intended to "rush right out" to buy this book, but I was going to give it a read eventually. (I think it JUST came out?) But I had a coupon; and after browsing the store for a few laps, I hadn't picked up anything else that blew my skirt up. So, we went home together.
The Fish Reponse: I had been poking around the respective blogs for a few days, and I could already feel some things resonating with me. I didn't rush right home and read the book, but it made it into my list of things to do today.
"What's the point, fish?"
I was giving my girl a bath when I started to realize that everything comes together under grand design. The Un Me...the concept of acceptance...the discontent I feel with society (that I felt before but for a different reason)...AND I've already taken my meds for tonight; so, this might wander around a bit.
For as long as I can remember, there have been two versions of me. There has been the reality version of me who goes to work, went to school, makes really good meatloaf, and has been known to whine and / or shrill at a moment's notice. But then....then there is the imagination me...the me that can shift into whatever look/feel/attitude that is appropriate for the current scenario dancing around in my head...The imagination me (notice that I did not say imaginARY me)...can fight vampires...looks great in leather pants...sometimes has wings...sometimes has been known to saucy right up to the good-looking guy for a kiss...The imagination me has all of my intellect, my stamina, my life lessons, my ten-pack imagination BOOM - and (this is the really important part) none of my fears. Imagination Me has been living inside of my head since I was a teenager. She's gone from stick thin with fake boobs to more natural, earthen in tone, and believable in shape. Imagination Me is H-O-T, but she looks MORE LIKE ME than she ever did in years past.
And lately, I've been starting to wonder why Imagination Me and Regular-Duty Me can't get together for some one-on-one party time. Let's do some Vulcan Mind Meld and merger our butts off. And you know what? I'm fairly certain that is the lesson I've been seeking.
Acceptance. Fat acceptance. Bisexuality acceptance. You're a kinky bastard and that's ok acceptance. Broken home acceptance. Broken body acceptance. Just general, all-around acceptance. This is how it is, and this is o-tay. Bring the Imagination Me and the Me Me together for some chattin' time so we can get down to some business.
I think this new co-existance is going to bring with it new ...rules...behaviors...new regulations for conduct....but I'm finally at a point in time when I am totally ok with that. It feels familiar...like I'm sinking into myself the way I used to after flying....but it's all me, man. I'm buzzing. I'm sizzling. I'm electric like lightning. I feel creative, seductive, evocative, and hard-foul mouthed. I feel brazen and sweet. I feel like a mommy and a darling sex toy. And you know what? That's just what happens when the outer edges of me meet the outer edges of the Imagination Me. Get us all the way together?
I'm coming, baby....just be a little patient...but I'm on the way...