Wednesday, February 3, 2010

Say Never Never

  1. a person who undergoes severe or constant suffering: a martyr to severe headaches.
  2. a person who seeks sympathy or attention by feigning or exaggerating pain, deprivation, etc.
As I peel back the layers of myself on this new path, I realize that one of my many personality facets is a martyr.  I realized it last night while I was on the phone with Jen.  I make myself a martyr so that my reality sounds worse than what it truly is.  Why do I do that?  So I get what I want.

But at the same time, I realized that I have to take what I want, ask for what I want, and otherwise make known what I want.  And then came this from my calendar:

"There is no delight in owning anything unshared."

Ask for what you need.  If said partner is asleep when what you need arises, take it.  Instead of bemoaning the lack of human contact, I cozied up to my partner and wrapped my arms around him - fulfilling my own need by my own actions.

I seriously, really think I am making progress.


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