Friday, October 1, 2010

10/1/10

"If building structure is defining the space within which things can happen, the appropriate use of discipline is to build and maintain that structure — and then let go of what happens within it."
 
That is always the hard part, isn't it?  Letting go.  Moving on.  Growing up.  I see a picture of me now that doesn't include false promises, groveling, or belittling.  I am strong because I have built my structure to endure much more than anyone can know.  On a daily basis, I endure much more than most people can handle in a lifetime.  I don't say that to be arrogant; I say it because it is true.  Walk a mile in my shoes before you tell me that you know where I'm at.  My structure is solid because I made sure there were no leaks or cracks when it was built.  And I do the best I can to maintain that structure.  Sure, I fall short sometimes, but I am doing my very best to maintain my holy structure.
 
And whatever happens inside, whatever whirlwind I am having today, that is Her will.  And I consciously give it up to Her.  She cannot take away my pain - emotionally or physically - but She can give me the will and the fortitude to endure it.  The light at the end of the tunnel is not a freight train, but the path to heaven.  I hear the voice of God(dess) in my head again (I tuned Her out for so long), and She tells me to stand up strong and straight, true and honored.  Because I am not unworthy.  I am not broken.  My structure stands firm, a holy temple, within which I can hear Her voice again.  And I am blessed to hear it.

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