Spin Cycle: Driving

I have been trying to come up with a fun story about driving, but I seriously got nothin'. So, here are some not-so-interesting facts about my driving history:

• I have never been stopped for speeding.
• I have never been in an accident.
• I backed into a parked car when I was eighteen; this is the only "fender bender" I've ever been in.
• I learned to drive in San Diego, CA in approximately 1997-1998 in a Ford F-150. I can drive ANYTHING now.
• I am the third-worst passenger I know, unless I am passengering w/ frog. (#1: Moose. #2: Bear.)
• I was flooded out of my car recently, and it was totaled. (Damn flash floods.)
• I did not get my license until I was eighteen.
• I only missed two on my driver's test.
• My first car was a Ford Tempo that Bear bought for me when I moved to IA.
• My dream car is a bright-pink mini-cooper w/ a chihuahua in the back seat.

Spin Cycle: Jealousy

I mulled over whether or not I wanted to participate in this week's spin cycle because my views on jealousy are....far from the widely-accepted. The life I have lived has brought me to a place of juxtaposition when it comes to jealousy.

You see....

I am a poly person. My affection is shared. My commitment is shared. I have shared my spouse(s) with other people. I have watched my spouse(s) make love to other people. Jealousy for me is.....difficult to explain.

Once, a very long time ago, I came to terms with jealousy because I finally understood what it was about. Jealousy is fear of losing one's position. I know that seems hard to understand; but really, when you think about it, that is all it is. If you become jealous that some chick is going to "steal your man," well, you're afraid of losing your position as his woman. The same can be same of the vice versa. If you're jealous of the time your spouse spends with your child, you may be afraid of losing your position as #1 in their heart. Jealousy is all about fear.

And what do we have to fear, you guys? (Answer: Fear itself. Thanks Kennedy.)

So, looking at jealousy in terms of fear, I simply decided one day that I wasn't going to do it anymore. When you fear something, you give it power to hurt you. This is where my transient personality comes into play a little bit because I'm not possessive over my loved ones, over many objects in my life, or where I'm at during a particular moment. Possession is also fear. "MINE!" = fear of losing. Yeah, I don't so much have that anymore. Because I had the moment, in conjunction with the moment about jealousy, that I don't POSSESS THESE THINGS OR PEOPLE. They are on loan to me from the higher ups, but they are not, never have been, and never will be mine. They touch on my life; but if they aren't meant to linger, then they won't linger.

And this is how I became a poly person. The juxtaposition is this: I will not tolerate lies. I am jealous, you could say, of lies because they steal from me. I am afraid of them and the havoc they will create. So, while at one point, I was able to tell my mate(s) that I didn't care what they did so long as they were honest with me, I cannot truly say that now. Because some activity is just a breeding ground for lies. And really? I'd rather just not go there at all. So, I cannot say I'm as altruistic about jealousy as I once was, but I still have the same feelings about it. I will not be conquered by fear, and jealousy is fear.

Spin Cycle: Mistakes

I think I am about to take the Spin Cycle to a nuclear level. I'm pretty sure this isn't what Sprite's Keeper had in mind when she came up with this topic, but this is what my brain popped out. So, here we go...

I was at lunch, standing at the counter, and peeling my hard-boiled egg when I started to think about mistakes. This is an odd-duck time to think about mistakes, I know, but my egg was peeling funky, you see, and it made perfect sense. On most occasions, I am an expert egg-peeler. I can very nearly peel off the entire shell with no pock-marks on the flesh of the egg and an entire shell nearly intact. I am a rock-star egg-peeler, you guys. Today, however, the egg did not want to cooperate, and I very nearly chucked it and started over. This was when I started to think about mistakes; and more accurately, I started to think about how I react to mistakes.

I do not like them. Not one bit, no way, no how. I don't like it when other people make mistakes, and I hatehateHATE it when I make mistakes. When other people make mistakes, I feel let down (which you may totally read: they didn't do it my way). When I make mistakes, I suddenly become terrified, bunny-in-your-headlights fish. Or, I get angry (hence the near-egg-chucking...)

For example...

One night, while we were still living in the trailer (how country is that?), Hub was making chili for supper. Somehow...oh, I remember...we had already eaten, and I was going to put the remainder of the chili into a Tupperware container for leftovers. I got all of the chili into the container when WHAMO! Chili on da flo.

My first reaction was to get scared that Hub would be mad at me. Then, I started to cry. Who cries over spilled chili, really?

Ok, I know you think I'm getting a little off track, but all of this flashed in my brain while I was peeling that egg. I started to wonder why we make such a big deal out of mistakes. True, some mistakes are bigger than others (say, sleeping with the boss' wife versus forgetting to put a quarter in the meter); but as a society, we PUNISH mistakes rather than TEACH from mistakes. Isn't mistake-making part of learning? Don't we try to lead our children (the good parents anwyays) into better decisions when they make a mistake? Why, then, do we punish each other as adults?

(I told you I was going nuclear...my brain almost exploded when I started to think about this...)

SO THEN I started thinking, "Well, be the change you want in your life." AND THAT made me think about this: I'm a complainer. However, I'm a particular complainer whereas some folks are mass-media complainers. I particularly complain about people who complain about stupid things. I began wondering how I could "be the change" about mistakes. How that related to being a complainer, I'm not quite sure, but it does. So there.

I can hear frog..."OMG fish. Get on with it."

I think I'm going to start making more mistakes on purpose so I can learn to:
A) Not be afraid of them.
B) Not get angry.
C) Not complain when others make mistakes (and / or complain about the mistakes of others others)

Yeah. Quit reading this entirely-too-long ramble, and go visit Sprite's Keeper.
-points to blogroll-

Spin Cycle: Lindey Lohan Can Kiss My A$$

Quickly, before I begin with the Spin Cycle:

1. Spin Cycle comes to you from Sprite's Keeper.
2. I have just discovered Rhapsody (thanks frog!), and I love it! You only have to buy the songs you want!
3. I found "Anti Monkey Butt" Powder in the store today. As soon as I download that picture from my phone, I will produce proof.

Ok, so this week's, and my first, spin cycle is about celebs. I have to admit that I don't follow celebs much because I think that a lot of them have made their money on obvious ass-hattery, which bugs me. Perez Hilton, you can kiss a toad.

However, in preparation for this very spin cycle, I have been watching the mags this week in hopes that fodder from heaven would plop down on me for some good bloggy. Lo and behold, I was not led astray.

"I am so alone," she says. Lindsey Lohan? YOU CAN KISS MY ASS! Alone? WTF? Did you not spend years now in a drunken stupor? Did you not take photos of yourself holding a KNIFE to your supposed pal? Did you not leave the guy-team for the almost-guy-team when you shacked up with a wedontknowwhat? If you're alone, fat-head, it is because you're an idiot.

I don't understand how these people can make so much money, have the ability to HIRE OTHER PEOPLE who are smart and savvy, and yet continue to make total jack-asses out of themselves. And why, why, WHY do we glorify actors? Really? They just stand there and make faces. You and I can "learn the lines," too, because we did it in elementary school. Why, also, do we glorify the likes of Paris Hilton? SHE DOESN'T HAVE A JOB, PEOPLE. Making faces at the paparazzi is not a job. Next thing you know, Paris will be quibbling over how much she's alone with her menagerie of animals the only company she has.

Ok, ok...so there ARE some celebs I can manage to stomach. Keanu Reeves, for example, is a favorite of mine because the man cannot emote, which is perfect for me because I don't need him to emote...just stand there and be pretty. I've also had some super-sexy-sex-dreams about the lives of Hugh Jackman (only in Wolverine, if you please), Paul Walker, Sean William Scott (its the sorta-beard), and Vin Diesel...though Vin is losing me to his huge ear-ness. I much prefer to imagine the stuff in my head than watch it on a screen. I come up with much sexier photos.

To sum it up, I guess you could say the fish is anti-celebrity. Mostly, I just want to tell them all to get a real job before complaining. :)